Escaping the Darkness.

What is it to feel okay? I cant even remember how that feels anymore, happiness, ease, a sense of peace that the darkness wont overtake everything.


I don't remember when everything fell into such blackness, such dread and terror at every turn, the shadows reaching out to pull you in whenever you happen to wander to close.


They give me pills to lighten the room, to scare away the shadows from my mind but what happens when that light burns out? Will the darkness consume me completely until the bulb can be replaced? Or will it shine brightly enough for me to find my way out? Uncertainty befriends the darkness, anxiety is her lover.


The dark is quiet, lonely and isolated. Its expanse is a massive distance between everyone I love and regardless of how many street lights that line the path. Its as if once i approach they flicker out one by one, to tell me that my journey is impossible. I cant see in the dark, how would I find my way home? I'm lost.


Home. When I think of home, I think of warmth, light, fire in the fireplace. I think of green grass and warm humid summer nights. I think of people outside of my reach, lost in the darkness, I cant see their light anymore. I cant feel their warmth, their love, their happiness.


I feel like I've traveled a long way, eyes closed and as the sounds go bump in the night I've slowly become more leary and nervous about what hides beyond my sight.  The world tells us that there are things hiding around every darkened corner that want to hurt you, but why? Is everyone so filled with darkness that they need to spread it, to distribute it to people who are needy of the light to function.


I cant see my way anymore, I've lost myself and I've been searching for so long now that I may give up looking. I feel blinded by the black cover in which people keep things hidden under, I feel deafened by the lies and hurt that is spread and I've lost touch with myself so much that I barely recognize who I am anymore. I'm becoming desensitized to the light so that the darkness may take over and shape me to its will.


I've become a pawn. To be used, placed and disposed when I'm no longer needed. Like a toy long forgotten that is shoved in the deepest corner of a child's closet and piled on top of by what life accumulates over time. As more builds, the less I can see the way out, the less light that filters through the cracks...until its gone.


No one will find me, no one looks because they don't need to find me. So I sit here in the dark and wait, maybe one day someone will uncover the grave that's been cast upon me and bring light to my otherwise black world. Will they understand that I only wish to escape the dark confines and return to the world where the sun outshines the dark, making the world a warmer, happier place?